Fantasizing myself being Lena Dunham, I bet you wouldn’t know how much I want to be a writer. Writing TV script and all the characters have to act like the way you play around in your story. You manipulate their thoughts & acts and let the story flow in the way you want it to be. You love your puppets and you feel proud and nothing can replace the satisfaction that stories bring you.
And you wouldn’t know how much fun it would be being naked on screen all the time like Hannah in Girls, no matter how the outsiders think about my body. Fuck them, we are who we are.
I married to my writings long time ago, and I know I wouldn’t marry to anyone else besides my writings.
With music of The Echo Friendly- the Same Mistakes
Robyn – Dancing On My Own,
Sleigh Bells – Infinity Guitars,
LCD Soundsystem – I Can Change,
The knife – Heatbeats
Talking to a woman for an hour and thinking that living with a female roommate is actually a better choice than with any other male, because you know deep down without any male it never threaten your life even thought it seems to be that way. I feel close to a stranger.
You know that I could dance, I love strangers, while I’m nostalgia about the past. I’m just everywhere, and I know the alcohol is what releases my soul. People don’t understand where we head to is not a big deal, and we have gotten used to it.
In front of an empty room, I heard a familiar voice “you and I know we are the same kind of person. We are just the unhappy kind. We would be happy for a little while, then we find a reason to withdraw it and be unhappy again.” Baby, believe me I know that so well, even though you aren’t here anymore.
We force ourselves into a smile for long time and when we see the real smile from other person we are afraid and nervous around them and worry that they will see through us. Then we try to escape.
Sometime we feel that we are a glass full of what we are supposed to take of. We are drama queens while we are shy at the same time. We are aware who we are, we are proud and at the same time we are afraid of ourselves.
We are social animals while we want to maintain our individual private space for ourselves. The contradictory self that once needs to breathe and once it needs party and the writing fulfills its satisfying-being. Human is once a complicated being, falling into the dream of confusion.